the original sharp dame

the original sharp dame

I have a strict rule that my laptop must live in my office. I have to. I live alone and work from home and tend toward lazy. If I did not have a rule about the laptop living in the office, there would be no need for me to ever leave my bedroom. My bedroom is comfortable and my bed is large. I bought a new bed when I was diagnosed with cancer. I had wanted a new bed for years, one larger and not an antique one, three feet off the ground, and when the cancer came I thought I’d be buggered if I spent my cancer treatment in my current room. I got a new bed and a vintage dresser and my daddy painted my room a subtle and soothing barely there pink.

The laptop has to stay in the office, that is the rule. I tell you this because I had to drag myself off the sofa and come to the office and open the laptop in order to creak out these pathetic words: I don’t feel good.

There are three things going on. My body is trying to get sick, for one. Spring, sinuses, etc. I’m on record as not being a fan of spring. Next, I am determined to ween myself from a caffeine habit that has become unhealthy, I think. A half pot of coffee until lunch and then a Coke with lunch. Two Cokes if I have a lot of work to do. Lastly, I’m having a bit of a time, in my head. A thing I tried has not worked out and now I have to move on to another thing and it involves dealing with some of my limitations and so that is a thing in my head.

I tried to work like it is a normal day. Generally, I don’t have a weekend. Every day is the same kind of day for me. It’s good. I need routine. And writing everyday means I don’t have to produce more to make up for days I’m not writing. I need something to do every day. At this point, not writing might lead to not getting out of bed and that would be bad.

So, I tried but it was obvious by the early afternoon that today was not going to be the usual kind of day. I went to the den and turned on the SEC college basketball tournament and spent most of the day not watching the television and drifting in and out of sleep until I decided I wanted to not watch NOVA instead.

I woke up a few minutes ago and was on my way to bed when I realized I had not published to OneSharpDame today. I considered going to bed anyway. No one would blame me. No one reads these little snippet journal things I write anyone. No one would but I would know.

But I’ve published for over thirty days straight now and even when I have absolutely nothing to say, like today, it helps. It helps with my writing and it helps with my day. I feel better after I’m done with this task. If nothing helps happens, I have at least done this small thing.

I dragged myself into the office so I could type these words out. My brain came alive for a moment, thinking we were going to file a police report for the Mac truck which ran over me but no.

If you find yourself having a bad time of it, pick one thing to do, every day, that helps you feel like you’ve got something done. If you can, make it something you enjoy. If not, make it something you hate, so you get it done and then don’t have to think about it the rest of the day. Whatever, pick something, one thing. When the days are bad, it will be a thing you can hold on to. When the days are good, you can build on the one thing.

Y’all take care, sweet people. I’m going to hoover up some Benadryl, make a cup of tea and take my sad self to bed.